Rock, Paper, Susan; Exploring the Game of Life

For many years I played life like a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.  I made choices based on the limited options I was given and hoped my choice kept me in the game.  Eventually however I came to understand that while it appears that we are all playing the same game, we certainly are not! Next I discovered that because of choices aren't limited at all!

Writing my own rules for the game of life that I am playing freed me from the limited options many operate under.  What I have come to realize is that when I follow my intuition to explore possibilities beyond those commonly offered on any given subject, my world fills in with people and ideas that have an expertise in line with those possibilities.  If instead I play only within the confines of the limited options I am given, my options remain limited....and this is how the rug gets pulled out from beneath me when I least expect it.  This is because those handing out the options, setting the rules of the game, so to speak, are playing a different version of the game than they are letting we common folk in on....and we are the pawns!  

This realization expanded my experience of life and changed the game for me altogether. When I sincerely plugged into a spiritual quest to "be led into all truth" more than three decades ago I had no idea that I would be awakened on so many levels!   The phrase "Let them with eyes see, let them with ears hear."  repeatedly rings true for me as I awaken from one experience of reality to the next....each more revealing than the previous.  At the same time however, it is tough to live among those I love who have not grasped the changing world around us and are not therefore forewarned.

My understanding on the spiritual, physical and intellectual planes has expanded greatly, revealing a world far more expansive and deeply more convoluted than my wildest dreams. Because of this I am left with a dilemma.  Those I love, family and friends who have not moved deeply into the guidance of their higher mind, but have relied solely on the intellectual mind (and the information from those feeding it), could not begin to hear me....even if I were able to articulate what I have come to know and understand.  To them my decades worth of discoveries would culminate to sound like the ravings of a mad woman or at the very least one who had fallen for the ravings of those who had gone mad.  So, my only option seems to be to present myself as a someone they can talk with when the proverbial sh!t hits the fan...because that time is getting close and the ripples are surfacing.  And so, I write this post. 

In the physical realm we are on the verge of awakening to a whole new world and a way of life that has been foreshadowed in science-fiction for decades.   But first, and for a time, it may appear as if the world as we know it is crumbling.  That's because it is...and on many levels it must.  Our finances, sustenance, and very souls lie in the balance as the physical and non-physical threats facing us are real.  Those of us with our ears to the ground are repeatedly seeing the disclosure of unimaginable deception, technologies and programs in all arenas. Those even closer, who have been involved with such things are spilling the beans on the secrets and programs that have long been in place at the cost of human suffering and limitation. The history we have been taught in our schools and raised to believe is a fiction.  The science we have been teased into building our world upon is child's play.  The religions and spirituality we have been spoon fed is manipulated fodder for controlling the masses while serving a spiritual agenda so dark it is almost impossible to grasp.  

So why do I write all of this?  I write it as a heads up....and an invitation to awaken and awaken others.  Below is a link to Dr. Stephen Greer.  He is just one of many exposing the truth at great personal risk.  Listen to what he has to share.  Wrestle any cognitive dissonance you might experience to the ground and then listen again...or listen to his peers who have been on the inside, reported what they know, also at great risk, for the love of humanity. Then share his message and ask others what they believe about what is being shared.  It will, if nothing else, stir you intuitively and resonate on some level of knowing deep within you. It has to because that is how truth works.

Dr. Stephen Greer

A Further Awakening

I often deeply immerse myself in the teachings of others, walk a ways down their path to see how it fits into my own journey then decide a u-turn is in order.  This has been the way of both my spiritual and creative journey. When it comes to creative expression I love trying new art forms and techniques.  Some of them stick, while others fall away or I expand them into my own derivations.  For me, expressing myself in a variety of creative forms brings the most pleasure.  I've created for shows and exhibits, and while I did well in those arena's and even walked away with awards, the creative process itself was always more fulfilling that the recognition.  So, after a while I stopped entering shows and exhibits and just formed my own One Woman Show (and tell) to encourage the use of creative energy to connect to the deeper aspects of one's soul.  Between this and continuing to enjoy my own creativity, I have been happy unplugging from 'competitive' arenas.  Though I miss the creative camaraderie provided by working with others toward an exhibit or show, my creative world has always been more introverted, so it works for me.

My creative energy has been primarily influenced by my spiritual pursuits and is indeed a form of channeling.  Last year however my channeling began to move from creative expression as my journaling turned more and more toward automatic writing. While I have always channeled poetry, lyrics and my own higher mind perspectives, last year I received what I can only refer to as introductory messages from two 'collectives' referring to themselves as the Andromedians and the Arcturians.  Prior to that I felt the Ananda collective influencing some of my writings.  I shared this in an earlier post along with the 'light language' drawings that were coming through.  As is typical with me, I strolled a bit down this path and listened to the perspectives of those who intentionally channel these collectives. However, a few weeks ago I began to feel I was intuitively being guided toward a u-turn.  

Something in me felt that these collectives and their messages were just an expansion of the matrix of form on a less dense level.  My desire to link directly to my own higher mind and the journey beyond the world of 'them and us' was guiding me to a higher understanding.  These collectives were leading me to the understanding of sacred geometry and the structure around which our world is formed.  I understood this as an expansion of my initial quest to understand the link between creativity, spirituality and self-realization that had begun decades ago. I had asked for this understanding!  Our answers always flow from where our attention is focused.  This is the meaning of "Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened unto you."  However, my intuition allowed me to see this link between creativity, spirituality and self-realization as a limiting aspect rather than a freeing aspect.  Since freeing myself from any 'system' and stepping into my sovereign divine aspect is the ultimate goal in my spiritual journey, I paid attention to my intuitive nudges.

My desire to understand the link between creativity, spirituality and self-realization was prompted  almost three decades ago as healing energies came through my creative process and transformed my life.  Today I see that as a path I had to take to awaken to the path before me now...the path freeing me from any attachment to a system or energetic matrix in order to know or heal myself.  So often we form an attachment and dedication to anything that offered us healing or guidance.  This is a misunderstanding of how and why it came into our life. We must begin where we are before we can fully open to who we are!  However, moving beyond those 'interventions' is always the path.  Today my intuitive guidance is freeing me further away from constraint and the 'messages' of anything representing itself as 'apart from me'.  I am sovereign and whole and while my experience is one of limited duality, that is but an illusion that requires further awakening.  I believe this u-turn to be just that; a further awakening.  

Without the introduction to these 'collectives' and their perspectives, my own higher mind could not have steered me even deeper inward, so I am grateful to have met these aspects.  I am more grateful however to have awakened from their guidance which still lies within the realm of separation, however less dense.  The involvement with seemingly more advanced beings can be quite captivating, but really it is only another form of separation and distraction from true awakening.  One must dive deep to truly know themselves.  Any hierarchy that presents a ladder one must climb in order to reach freedom does not offer freedom.  This includes the realm of higher dimensional collectives, ascended masters, archangels, guides and even the concept of a universal God.  Any energetic matrix, be it built upon 'sacred' geometry or not is still a matrix and therefore a net that keeps us bound within it.  I am an expression of Source, period.  The more energy I put into experiencing myself as such, and the less distraction I involve myself with, the better.  This way of thinking blows the 'new age' community apart...and it should.  That community is as much an invention of control as is religion, politics, educational systems, media conglomerates, healing modalities, and corporate elites.  Until we awaken to our participation in any 'system' we can not free ourselves from 'systems'.  It is that simple.....but not easy.  Listening and learning from others is fine.  However, staying plugged directly into my own higher self, regardless of all the teachers and mystics 'out there' has proven to provide the most direct path.  Listen, glean, try on any teaching for size, but know this, anything, ANYTHING that we don't eventually outgrow will ensnare and limit us......And  Source is limitless!

This is a painting I did after Phil's transition three years ago today.  Archetypal in nature he is represented as the wise shaman he was....and still is.  In honor of this anniversary I am sharing an excerpt from a book I am currently co-authoring about the nature of conscious transitions, staying in communication with those that transition ahead of us, and living in the experience of eternal life...because there truly is no death!  We just trade in a physical body for an incredible light body and step more into the fullness of our being.  Misconceptions about death and the conditioning we have around that concept are the only things that keep us seemingly disconnected.  As you will read in the story, Phil has never left.


Unexpectedly widowed at fifty-six, a series of beautifully guided, synchronistic events,  had me living at my daughter’s home just prior to, and following, my sweet husband’s untimely passing.  A few weeks before his transition, he and I made an agreement to stay connected.  Our beliefs supported this idea though neither of us knew just how we would pull this off.  Therefore we decided he would be the one to let me know just how that was going to happen once he ‘settled in’.  

Several weeks after Phil’s passing I was writing one of my evening letters to him in my journal.  This a practice I had started after his transition to ease into a new way of being with him.  It really seemed to help me find ‘us time’ to share my day with him this way.  But it wasn’t a two-way street and I really wanted that.  Since we had agreed before his passing to keep in touch,  it dawned on me to give him a symbol to use to let me know he was around.  Dragonfly’s had always been a personal totem for me and was even the logo I used for business in the form of my initials.  This seemed the perfect symbol.  As I wrote the letter telling him to send me dragonflies if he was around, I also wrote how difficult this might be since I was most always inside.  Not long after I put my journal away the phone rang.  Lo and behold, my three year old grandson was put on the phone to tell me about his new temporary “dwagon-fwy”  tattoo.  I laughed and cried and excitedly shared the news with everyone.  Phil and I were in touch!

Lighter and happier, the next day I shared the news with a girlfriend as I accompanied her to an appointment she had.  As we sat together across from the man she was seeing, he began questioning me rather than my friend.  I explained that I was just accompanying her, but still he asked me a bit about myself and my work.  As he listened a look of excitement came over his face and he reached beneath the table he was sitting behind, pulled out a rather large book and said,  “Oh, you have to read this!”  A huge dragonfly illustration adorned the cover of the book he held up, and my friend and I could hardly contain our amazement.  The book, as it turned out, addressed many of the esoteric based questions I had been asking my late husband about in the letters I wrote each evening.  This was not only his way of answering the questions, but of saying hello.  I know this, because as I went to purchase the book that evening, the edition now available had a new cover..without the dragonfly!  Had I not gone with my girlfriend, I’d have never seen that edition let alone been directed to it for the answers I sought from Phil.  I have since learned how our loved ones can inspire our thoughts in order to align us with such synchronistic events.  This is exactly what Phil had done!  And he wasn’t through yet.

I began hearing from my family about their own unusual dragonfly experiences.  My mother, who had become widowed only a day before me, had a dragonfly visit her patio daily that she had never encountered before.  My sweet niece for the first time she could recall, not only had a dragonfly appear at her home, but it perched itself on her shoulder, which she couldn’t wait to tell me about.  They randomly appeared to my daughter and my grandson’s mother around this time as well.  But no dragonfly dance was as profound as the one I experienced last year.

Prior to his passing, Phil had never expressed one bit of concern about my life without him.  When I would say how much I was going to miss him, he would simply reply “You’ll be fine.”   For twenty-two years we had done absolutely everything together and loved the introverted cocoon we had built our life around.  Imagining life without him was impossible.  But now, as I look back, I wonder if he intuitively knew something I didn’t.

About a year after Phil’s passing, I went to dinner with a man I had met through yet another series of profound synchronistic events.  Such alignments had become almost a way of life and I needed only to follow the clues scattered like breadcrumbs before me.   Seated at a window overlooking a lake, my mind turned to Phil.  He had loved the water and whenever I am near it he always comes to mind.   I suppose it’s natural, after a long marriage, to wonder if your late spouse approves of your life moving along with someone new.  Having had no doubt, that Phil had a hand in arranging our meeting, still I wondered what he thought.  Just then a truly huge swarm of tiny dragonflies arose from the lake right in front of the window where we sat.  They circled and danced outside the window the whole time we were there.  For me it was Phil not only acknowledging his approval, but taking credit for the matchmaking itself, saying….”See, I told you you’d be fine.”  

Dragonflies were not the only way Phil communicated.  One day, not long after the phone call from my grandson about his timely tattoo, I was in my bedroom at my daughters house tidying up.  I was talking out-loud to Phil as I always did, telling him we needed a better system.  Dragonflies were great for saying hello but I needed something more.  As I continued to talk to Phil about ways we could connect, I reached for the remote and turned on the TV.  Again, perfect timing!   Just as I turned on the TV a woman on the screen was demonstrating how one could use a pendulum to connect with their deceased mother.   The series, which I had watched countless times, had never even remotely shown anything metaphysical….let alone a clip about connecting with a deceased loved one.  Phil had done it again, and I reached for my my long forgotten pendulum; a beautiful handmade glass bead Phil had once bought me.

In the years since his passing I have learned how easy it is for our transitioned loved ones to inspire us with guiding thoughts toward things they want us to know or experience.  As much as this has happened between Phil and I, I still pull out the pendulum from time to time to verify what I think I am being shown.  It has proved to be a great tool for ongoing communication and greatly reconnected me to Phil on an emotional level in that first year following his transition.  Apart from communicating, I use the pendulum, and have taught others to use a pendulum, to regain a physical connection to those who have transitioned.  I can’t tell you how many times I have held it and simply asked Phil to use it to ‘hold my hand’.  For us that means when Phil is near, the pendulum will spin in a circle with quite an energetic pull as I hold it.  This worked like magic to lift my spirits in the first year following his passing, because the physical absence was so profound.  

Since Phil’s transition I have been blessed with two separate mediums who have connected with Phil and given me confirmation of messages I intuitively received from him, without me sharing the tiniest bit of such information with them.  This initially helped me to trust what I was picking up.  Mediums are great if you can find one with a good track record.  There are lots of charlatans however using something called ‘cold reading’ to appear to have a connection, so, if you are inclined to use one, do your homework.  But, trust me, there is nothing like having your own ongoing connection.  

My new life partner has honored my marriage and my stories of Phil from the first day I met him.  Phil’s photo is on the shelf near a tiny Buddha from Phil’s collection and an anniversary gift I once gave him depicting an East coast harbor scene like those he loved.  Inspired to write a book about my ongoing experiences since Phil’s transition, in hopes of teaching others about the eternal nature of life, preparing for their own conscious transitions, and staying connected to loved ones following a transition, another synchronicity presented itself. In the ever unfolding nature of such occurrences sprinkled across my life since Phil’s passing, this new man in my life recently reminded me that he once had a very successful career with a major newsgroup as an editor!  Yes, as it happens, it seems I am living with my editor!  You can call that coincidence if you want, and I am sure skeptics will, but Phil and I both know better!  We are writing a book together and he chose the editor!